Still Cranky

I don’t usually write about fashion. 
But I can no longer remain silent about the latest trend in shoes.  Some call them “Strappy Heels”.  Some call them “Gladiator Heels”.  I just call them “Freakin’ Ugly”!

I don’t get the “Bondage Chic” look.  But I’m obviously in the minority; these god-awful shoes are everywhere.  The stores are full of them, so I presume someone must be buying them.  But who?  And more importantly, why?

The GUESS website features their nastily studded “Vashti” model, inviting fashion-forward shoppers to “Look pretty in pumps…strap on these lovely strappy high heels that were made for the spotlight!”

“Pretty” and “lovely” are not exactly the adjectives that come to mind when I look at these hideous heels. “Revolting”, “grotesque” and “%#@** uncomfortable” are more like it.

But isn’t that the whole point of extreme fashion trends?  If the Great Unwashed and Tragically Unfashionable such as myself have to ask “why?”, then you’ve got a surefire hit.  “Sensible shoes”?   You must be kidding.  The whole purpose is to shock. 

I’m now of an age where I have a fetish for comfort.  My criteria for choosing shoes is guided less by fashion, and more by the simple philosophy:  “First, do no harm.”  If the shoes are gentle on my bunions and I can walk in them for more than ten minutes without screaming,  I’m thrilled. Which means I’m officially into Old Lady Shoes – just point me to the Easy Spirit aisle. 

One reason I was so disturbed to see the new Bondage Chic shoes is I thought we were finally entering an era of stylish but comfortable shoes.  The extremely pointed-toe stilettos that have been the rage for the last several seasons seemed to be on the way out.  In their place, I suddenly started to see cute, rounded-toe kitten heels and flats.  Heaven!

But of course, it couldn’t last.  The shoe designers had to get crazy on us again.

The only consolation is that the Gladiator Heels wearer of today is the Podiatry patient of tomorrow.  I, for one, can hardly wait for these masochistic, young fashion-istas to start complaining of bunions, hammer toes and Plantar Fasciitis.  Call me if you need the name of a good podiatrist.