Still Cranky

I don’t usually write about fashion. 
But I can no longer remain silent about the latest trend in shoes.  Some call them “Strappy Heels”.  Some call them “Gladiator Heels”.  I just call them “Freakin’ Ugly”!

I don’t get the “Bondage Chic” look.  But I’m obviously in the minority; these god-awful shoes are everywhere.  The stores are full of them, so I presume someone must be buying them.  But who?  And more importantly, why?

The GUESS website features their nastily studded “Vashti” model, inviting fashion-forward shoppers to “Look pretty in pumps…strap on these lovely strappy high heels that were made for the spotlight!”

“Pretty” and “lovely” are not exactly the adjectives that come to mind when I look at these hideous heels. “Revolting”, “grotesque” and “%#@** uncomfortable” are more like it.

But isn’t that the whole point of extreme fashion trends?  If the Great Unwashed and Tragically Unfashionable such as myself have to ask “why?”, then you’ve got a surefire hit.  “Sensible shoes”?   You must be kidding.  The whole purpose is to shock. 

I’m now of an age where I have a fetish for comfort.  My criteria for choosing shoes is guided less by fashion, and more by the simple philosophy:  “First, do no harm.”  If the shoes are gentle on my bunions and I can walk in them for more than ten minutes without screaming,  I’m thrilled. Which means I’m officially into Old Lady Shoes – just point me to the Easy Spirit aisle. 

One reason I was so disturbed to see the new Bondage Chic shoes is I thought we were finally entering an era of stylish but comfortable shoes.  The extremely pointed-toe stilettos that have been the rage for the last several seasons seemed to be on the way out.  In their place, I suddenly started to see cute, rounded-toe kitten heels and flats.  Heaven!

But of course, it couldn’t last.  The shoe designers had to get crazy on us again.

The only consolation is that the Gladiator Heels wearer of today is the Podiatry patient of tomorrow.  I, for one, can hardly wait for these masochistic, young fashion-istas to start complaining of bunions, hammer toes and Plantar Fasciitis.  Call me if you need the name of a good podiatrist.

Food trends always make me nervous.  I can never understand why a food that’s been around forever, just lingering in the gastronomic backwaters, suddenly becomes all the rage. 

The latest example of this is the cupcake craze.  In the last year, several “cupcakeries” have sprung up in my neighborhood.  I assumed this was merely another precious Bay Area phenomenon. But no… according to a local “Cupcake Tasting Tour” website, “…the cupcake scene in San Francisco is still in its infancy compared to New York”.  So now there’s a cupcake scene.  Who knew?

The first time I spotted one of these cupcake emporiums, I had mixed feelings. 
On the one hand, there is something charmingly retro about cupcakes.
I brightened at the notion of something so simple and unassuming catching on with today’s generation.  If the twenty-something foodies in my neighborhood could stand in line just to buy cupcakes, things couldn’t be all bad.  However, it also made me suspicious; why cupcakes?  Why now?  Why were these long-overlooked baked goods suddenly all the rage?  So many questions…so few answers (if you have any theories, kindly share them with me).

The Cupcake People know there’s something cute and childlike about cupcakes.  So the cupcakeries are all about cute; the interiors feature lots of pink and pastels and cloyingly cute graphics.  But since they’re selling gourmet cupcakes, the cupcake makers must also elevate their modest cupcakes by adding an air of pretense to the whole experience.  One popular, local cupcakery includes this message on their website: “We appreciate your business and thank you for supporting our vision of an artisan treat.” 

The moment you attach the words “vision” and “artisan” to cupcakes, you know you’re in trouble.

But that’s how it is with food trends.  One day you’re eating Mac ‘n Cheese…the next day, you discover you’re really eating “Comfort Food”.  Krispy Kreme elevated the glazed donut to a religious experience.  And don’t even get me started about the coffee craze.

What’s next?  Lettuce tastings?  Toast bars?

Look, I have nothing against cupcakes.  I like a sweet, delicious
cupcake as much as the next person.  But there’s something a little too cloying and self-conscious about these cupcakeries.  A few years ago, the hip young things in my neighborhood wouldn’t have been caught dead eating cupcakes.  Now, they can’t get enough of them.  And when cupcakes get reviewed by cupcake connoisseurs who use words like “unique”, “flawed” and “memorable”, be afraid…very afraid.

Let’s just say it all leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

This is a late-breaking update to my previous post, "Crimes and Moisturizers". 

So…I've just been to Walgreens and it seems the situation regarding locked up merchandise has become even more dire.  I needed to buy a bottle of shampoo.   When I arrived in the shampoo aisle, almost every shelf was covered with a Plexiglass shield.  Nexus…Garnier…Redken…Herbal Essences…all under lock and key.  The only exceptions were Pert Plus and Head & Shoulders.  I have to hand it to these shoplifters; they really know their hair care products.

Just because you have the technology to do something doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to do it. 

Case in point:  High Definition TV.

Since the advent of the television set, there have been only a handful of truly useful inventions: color, the remote control and the Mute button are among them (ok, I’ll throw in VCRs, DVD players and maybe Tivo).  These were all welcome advances.  High Definition is not.  I wouldn’t even call HD an advance.  I’d call it a scam.

HD is the perfect example of creating a need for something no one needs.  I know, some people say it’s great for watching sports (“…you can see the whole field!“).
If I watched sports, maybe I’d agree.  But for everything else, it’s  terrible.

In all the years I’ve been watching TV, never once have I said to myself, “Gee, the picture just isn’t sharp enough…if only I could see the pores on Lesley Stahl’s face…”

Recently, I had a chance to view a few shows on an HD set.  What I saw convinced me that High Def isn’t only pointless, it’s downright disturbing. 

For example, on my regular TV, Anderson Cooper has an impressive head of stylish, closely cropped silver hair.  But to my horror, on HD TV, I could also see patches of his pink scalp peeking through.  Which means that instead of paying attention to what he’s  saying about the Economy, now I’m worried poor A.C. needs to get some Rogaine   – and fast.

I also watched a Citracal commercial.  In the spot, a young woman sits barefoot on a stool and talks to the camera about the importance of keeping her bones healthy with Citracal Bone Density Builder. I’d seen this same commercial several times before, and never understood why a thirty year old woman would be talking about Osteoporosis.  No matter.  On HD TV, I didn’t pay attention to any of that.       I was much too busy looking at the woman’s blotchy, red feet.  Take a look next time – they really are quite unattractive.  Her feet were so distracting, I didn’t hear a single word she said.  From now on, I will always equate Citracal with blotchy feet. (Note: I’m not sure why the woman is barefoot to begin with, but I’m guessing it’s supposed to connote “honesty”). 

Do we really think this is an improvement?  As with most things, I would argue that when it comes to TV picture quality, less is definitely more. 
So I’m going to enjoy my Low-Def TV for as long as possible.  After all, I watch TV to escape reality – I don’t need to get up close and personal.  And frankly, there’s a whole lot I just don’t care to see.