What does your mayonnaise say about you? It's not a question I had pondered a lot. That is, until I saw the latest round of Miracle Whip commercials.
These spots feature attitude-inal twenty-somethings dancing, hanging out and occasionally munching on sandwiches made with Miracle Whip. Against an aggressive music track, we hear a flat, in-your-face young male voiceover snarling, "Don't go unnoticed. Don't blend in. Don't be ordinary…boring…or bland. WE are Miracle Whip and WE will NOT tone it down. Don't be SO MAYO."
Wow. I'm "too mayo". Who knew? I used to think that jar of Hellmans in my fridge was just bad for my cholesterol. Little did I know it was also bad for my image. I never realized my brand of mayo carried a stigma. Now I know better. Oh, the shame. Quick! Hide the jar behind a milk carton and pray no one sees it.
Of course, the marketing folks at Kraft clearly aren't talking to me. For reasons I can't quite fathom, they've decided to target the youth market. Maybe young people don't eat enough mayonnaise. Or maybe young people are the only ones who can actually afford to eat mayonnaise, because they're not worried about consuming a gazillion calories and the words "artery-clogging" haven't yet entered their vocabulary.
Regardless of the rationale, Miracle Whip wants this demographic. And they're willing to alienate the rest of us in the process. Actually, they may even be turning off the young folks they're trying so desperately to win over; a quick search on YouTube reveals that this commercial is being dissed – and spoofed like crazy. My faith in young people has been restored! Check out this hilarious rant by my new hero, "boydman 117":
The strategy behind the "don't be bland" message is transparent; it surely came out of an ingredients story. Miracle Whip has always positioned itself as a tastier alternative to mayonnaise. Maybe it has a tad more flavor or is tangy-er than other brands of mayo. In the past, they would have said Miracle Whip tasted "zesty" or "zippy". Corny, perhaps, but I'd rather stomach a few, dumb adjectives than have to watch these unbelievably odious spots.
I thought the launch spot in this campaign was bad. But now, the miracle workers at the agency have whipped up a new spot that's even more obnoxious. In this latest commercial, they really throw down the gauntlet. Same edgy twenty-somethings. Same droning, confrontational voiceover. But this time, the
commercial ends with a challenge, asking "Are YOU Miracle Whip?". The graphic on the last screen simply says, "Are you MW?", as if they couldn't be bothered to spell out the whole name (if you have to ask, this mayo is definitely not for you).
In other words, are you a rebellious, hip, young person who is on the cutting edge of condiments? Or are you a tired, old BORING person who is willing to settle for anything — in life or on top of your Turkey Club?
All I know is, every time these commercials come on, I just want to gag. Thanks for asking, but I am so not Miracle Whip. And thanks to these utterly tasteless and offensive spots, I am so not going to buy it.
Still Cranky 
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